This week I made a post about lesbians who lie about having sex with men as a way to get pregnant. Of course, I received a ton of backlash, but ultimately my mission of starting a difficult conversation was accomplished. The statement that was made was extrememly loaded, considering this is a two sided argument that I am making. The first is that there is always some stigma about lesbians who decide to become mothers. Some people seem to not understand how a lesbian could even want to have children considering she is not sexually active or attracted to men. So how would that work? In the same breath, those who are asking those questions are also attempting to "normalize" the journey by assuming that her only option is to have sex with a man; which is far from true.
Lets first establish the fact that, it is possible for a lesbian to enjoy penetration, but not be sexually attracted to a man at all. It is biology and mechanics. The old lock and key analogy. Therefore, it is perfectly normal for a lesbian to want and to use sexy toys used for penetration. Now, in saying that, you should also understand that by simply being lesbian, it doesn't inherently mean that a woman loses her urge to become a mother.
Once people get past the fact that you are a lesbian and desire to have children, are expecting children, or have them already, their next question is generally followed by a multitude of questions that are aimed at figuring out "HOW did that happen?!". A lot of people automatically assume that you have had sex with a man. Why is that? Two reasons: Ignorance to other options and because they've heard of it happening before. The post that was made talked about lesbians sometimes lying about having sex with men, claiming it is the only option. Then the uproar happened. So let me clarify.
It is wrong to misinform women who are attempting to make a life changing decision with information that is NOT true. Having sex with a man is not the only route for those lesbians who aren't considering it. Yes it is okay if that's what you decide to do, but for someone who isn't sure what the right decision is for them, they need to have all of their options on the table.
Lets discuss your options if you are ready to take that step into motherhood.
1. Fostering/ Adoption
Foster Parenting and Adoption are one major way to make a difference in a child's life. Of course, many of us all have the urge to biologically carry our own children, but think about how many children are waiting to find their forever homes in foster care and orphanages around the country and the world. We all know that Adoption can get a little expensive with home studies, lawyers and expenses; but did you know that if you were to work with your local Child Protective Services department, the State would pay for a lot of those expenses.
For more information on fostering and adoption in the Dallas,TX are click here.
You see being a lesbian is not a death sentence for your motherhood. There is more than one journey to the same gift. Just make informed choices instead of pressured ones. Your body is yours, and no one, not even me, can judge you for the decisions you make with your body. Children are a gift that every woman deserves the opportunity to experience. Don't lie to her and take away her choice of how her journey begins. I wish great health, healing, fertility, strength and courage for the women who have begun or will begin their journey. Congratulations on your future new bundles.