Same Kind of Pain

March 20, 2020


I remember the first time. I jumped in love. It wasn't hard at all. It freed me. I felt a feeling I had never felt before. I clinged to it. I didn't run or push away. I didn't think about it. I just did it.   



Heart on my sleeves. I went in bare with no shoulder pads. I didn't know what it felt like to regret someone. I hadn't experienced the pain in losing trust or sorting truth from lies. So heart break took me by surprise.  



The first time hurts the worst because you're not prepared , but it can also be the purest form of love. I loved unhinged. My love for poetry was birth in my heartache. I wrote a poem entitled "Same Kind of Pain." In this piece I described the comfortability in a familiar love and the unforeseen with someone else. 
My first love spin was an emotional rollercoaster. Yet, the thought of moving on felt like stepping off a limb. Pain was inevitable. I chose to risk it with the one I loved than chance it with someone new. 



How many times have you been caught in this unhealthy cycle? Tired of your current situation but scared to move on? Or maybe you stepped out on a limb, only to go back to your comfort zone at the first sight of pain.
Perhaps your the one who broke free of the cycle..only to bring your past weights to a new relationship. Either way, in some sort of fashion we have all grown accustomed to a pain we felt we deserved. A love that hurt more than it helped. Something we allowed so long it became comfortable.  



Love was easy the first time ... going in. Coming out was hell. I still felt it's residue in other relationships, staining my peace and stealing my joy. It wasn't fair for me or my counterpart. A fresh slate was built on insecurities and a shaky foundation. I had to decide if I would jump again or walk aimlessly in the dark afraid to stumble, in fear of familiar pain.  



Loving with my whole heart broke me in pieces. I'm still puzzled in how I put myself together again. 
I won't say it's easy to jump, or that you won't trip in the dark, but I believe true love is worth the chance. 
Remember the first time? Heart on your sleeves. No shoulder pads. Bare. Ignorant of regrets? Pain is not your portion. Step out on a limb and love again!  




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